My 3rd year of Uni starts tomorrow and I’m feeling excited and anxious. Taken away from the comfort and predictable lecture theatres and tutorial rooms, we now will start the next part of Medicine in a hospital. It suddenly feels real; this is what Medicine is; this is what reality is. Am I ready? I have to be.
All the people who have created happy, sad and angry memories for me the past two years and myself will take the next step in our Medical careers and our lives. I feel as though life is constantly attracting us together but then dragging us apart- nothing is constant. It saddens but excites me- we all have our own journeys to conquer. Everyone is spread out at different hospitals and only one of my close friends is at the same hospital with me and we’ll definitely be split up too. Suddenly I’m taken back to the first day in primary school, highschool and university.. the cycle starts again.
I received an email from a lady from The Alfred hospital with our timetable for the first week and a long required reading list for our first case study and felt really overwhelmed. The Alfred is an internationally reknowned hospital and the doctors there are amongst the best in the world and suddenly I’m feeling an enormous amount of pressure. I don’t want to fail or disappoint. I will face challenges and know I will make mistakes but I will try my darnest and learn from them and become better and better.
Something which has been bothering me but I’ve been trying to ignore, is him. We haven’t spoken for a year and I hear we’ve been placed at hospitals which are more than an hour apart. Maybe it is for the best; maybe our paths are meant to split. I still care for him a lot and he still lingers in my mind with everything I do. He was one of my biggest supporters back then. He showed me a kind of happiness and an “emotion” I don’t think I’ll ever feel again but will always be grateful for. He taught me to open up but also to hurt. A hurt that was so tangible, that you couldn’t get over it, but through it. I’m still going through it. Could I ever forgive him? I have to forgive myself first. Will our paths ever cross again? I really hope so.
For now, only I, can write the next chapter in my story.