The next chapter

only a snippet of the last 2 years...

My 3rd year of Uni starts tomorrow and I’m feeling excited and anxious. Taken away from the comfort and predictable lecture theatres and tutorial rooms, we now will start the next part of Medicine in a hospital. It suddenly feels real; this is what Medicine is; this is what reality is. Am I ready? I have to be. 

All the people who have created happy, sad and angry memories for me the past two years and myself will take the next step in our Medical careers and our lives. I feel as though life is constantly attracting us together but then dragging us apart- nothing is constant. It saddens but excites me- we all have our own journeys to conquer. Everyone is spread out at different hospitals and only one of my close friends is at the same hospital with me and we’ll definitely be split up too. Suddenly I’m taken back to the first day in primary school, highschool and university.. the cycle starts again. 

I received an email from a lady from The Alfred hospital with our timetable for the first week and a long required reading list for our first case study and  felt really overwhelmed. The Alfred is an internationally reknowned hospital and the doctors there are amongst the best in the world and suddenly I’m feeling an enormous amount of pressure. I don’t want to fail or disappoint. I will face challenges and know I will make mistakes but I will try my darnest and learn from them and become better and better.

Something which has been bothering me but I’ve been trying to ignore, is him. We haven’t spoken for a year and I hear we’ve been placed at hospitals which are more than an hour apart. Maybe it is for the best; maybe our paths are meant to split. I still care for him a lot and he still lingers in my mind with everything I do. He was one of my biggest supporters back then. He showed me a kind of happiness and an “emotion” I don’t think I’ll ever feel again but will always be grateful for. He taught me to open up but also to hurt. A hurt that was so tangible, that you couldn’t get over it, but through it. I’m still going through it. Could I ever forgive him? I have to forgive myself first. Will our paths ever cross again? I really hope so.

For now, only I, can write the next chapter in my story.

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19 comments
  1. Leanne said:

    Wow! You start so early, does unis in Melbourne always start this early?

    You’ll always make mistakes in the beginning but what sets people apart are the ones who learn from them and the ones that don’t and Leanne, you are definitely one of the people who learn from their mistakes!

  2. Thao said:

    GO LEANNE! YOU CAN DO IT!!

    I’m really excited for you since this is a huge new chapter of your life and it is definitely amazing. Just keep on working hard and being the creative you with your own personal style of grace and elegance. Show the Alfred hospital that you are Leanne Hoang and you WILL become the best doctor around!

  3. Melle said:

    are you a med student? =) that’s amazing.. when I was a kid I dreamt of becoming a doctor but I changed my mind eventually. haha now, after my business course, I’ll try to take up law..

  4. May said:

    Oh you’re going to start your 3rd year of uni tomorrow :o
    Hope it will be okay <3 Fighting :D
    Medicine looks so interesting, i wanted to do it too but i don’t know if i really can :s

  5. Gel said:

    I hate parting ways with someone especially if I know that the person is very dear and significant in my life. But yeah sometimes we can’t change what fate has for us and I guess we’ll understand the reasons for these happenings in time. :s

  6. Leann said:

    Wow, it sounds like you are taking a big step in your academics. Starting the first days of a new journey are always challenging and exciting. I wish you good luck with all the challenges that are to come. But there will also be great times and learning too :) Have a great first day!

  7. Freyah said:

    wow best of luck to you!
    your a med student huh? Thats great. Im also gonna be.. soon.. hahha after my biology major. Hehehe

    Good luck again, take care :D

  8. Ellina said:

    YOU CAN DO IT! No matter how hard or tough it’d be, if you keep the optimism (which you apparently have ;) ), then it’ll be so much easier. Just hang in there. And about splitting up with friends, it might be a chance for you to meet up with other fellow med students =)

    And oh man, on the subject about “him”…I think I’m going through something a little similar. It is so hard indeed, but in some situations what can we do, right? The first time is always hard, IMO.

    BTW, I’m currently pre-med. So if I won’t change my mind in the future, I think I’m going to a med school too ^^

  9. Tiff said:

    It’s been a year Leanne. Forgetting is easier said than done but it’s definitely time to move on. Thinking about things is just going to make things difficult for you and well, you know, what if someone else comes along? You wouldn’t even give them a chance if all you think about is what you got out of your last relationship. Don’t think about him, just treat him like another stranger: with dignity and respect yet distance.

    As for your studies, good luck! The unknown is always kind of scary and nerve-wracking but remember this: you’re only human. Don’t feel so pressured, the fact is you will screw up but if you do your best sincerely it’ll show. Good luck!

  10. Winn said:

    oh gosh, so exciting =D it’s great to finally use the skills you’ve learned through the years~

  11. Angel said:

    Reflecting on the past always makes me feel older and wiser for some reason. I’m sure that whatever road life make take you on, things will look up and be better. Good luck with your university studies and I hope this year continues to be prosperoous for you.

  12. Sasha said:

    Good luck! I hope your first day went well – your program sounds challenging but also like it could be very interesting and rewarding :)

  13. Fia said:

    Wow. 3rd year of Uni. :) You’re taking up Medicine? Cool. I wanted to be a doctor when I was younger, but I found out I couldn’t stand the sight of too much blood and wound. Law works better for me. =)

    As for the HIM part… I can’t say much. I have no idea what your story is. :D But I can say forgiving and forgetting is hard. For me at least. Even after many years, I still haven’t completely forgiven my one of my ex for hurting me and taking me for granted, although it doesn’t hurt to talk about it. :D

  14. Nanako said:

    :) Kick Uni’s butt Leanne.

    Your life is really taking off, good luck at the hospital. Thats an amazing amount of tree in the picture.

  15. My Linh said:

    Woah, I missed so many entries but I made it up here. ^^

    Your post made me feel melancholic. Hey, but you can do it. I believe in you, you are strong, Leanne. :* Just see it as an adventure. Good luck.

    Emotions blur. I don’t know the story but hope one day you can stop caring about him and just be a happy girl.

  16. Karen said:

    Leanne, you are such an inspirational blogger. Medicine is also what I’d like to study in uni. But there were times when I doubted whether I’ll truly be happy with my decision. After reading your blog for a few years, you’ve given me a good perspective on what I’ll encounter later in my college career. I love how you always look at the bright side of things :)

    This may sound strange, but perhaps not forgetting him might not be such a bad thing. Although the painful memory still lingers in your heart, this experience has helped you to grow as person. I don’t think it’s necessary to forget everything about him as if he was never a part of your life because lying to yourself isn’t fair. Instead, open your heart to others around you. I’m sure you’ll find someone who truly cares and treasures you :)

  17. daisy said:

    it’s definitely a great feeling i think, to be able to work hands-on with the knowledge you learned in those lectures. i know you have faith in yourself and i’m sure you’ll be fine going through all this!

    good luck with everything leanne!
    life sounds full of hope & excitement for you =3

  18. Mihoriel said:

    Honestly, I know that you will do fine, Leanne. You’re a wonderful, inspiring student and you’ll do amazing as a med student. Best of luck!

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